After five rolls of film taken with my Spotmatic i am now sure that something is wrong with the shutter or the camera's curtain,for every time i need to close the lenses the left side of the photogram is very very dark.
I will take my baby Pentax to the doctor now.
Feeling physically stronger, more conscious about my body but yet my minds seems to wander like a ghost.
More than wishing to be whole i have to learn to want it.
For so many years i gave away the idea of having plans to survive the turmoil of my love life that i realize now that i'm alone i can have 'that' back.
I can desire other places, i can dream of making my own steps and not be crushed by dash expectations.
It sounds obvious but rationally knowing something doesn't equal your heart learning it at the speed of your thoughts.
Maybe to start i just needed to write this - it feels similar to when one says out loud something that one is afraid but kept as a secret and suddenly as the words come out all the fear seems to fade away.
Less hologram, i feel more like myself already.
The cure for all this things at the eyes of 'modern medicine' seem to be medication that inhibits you from having a life due to always being in a hazy mood or getting intra muscular injections in the booty -current torture accepted after three weeks of being constantly falling asleep while taking hardcore muscle relaxants).
I have to wait for the public health system to call me for an appointment at the orthopedist for i can't afford to go and see a private one.
Never once i got a suggestion that maybe it might be other ways to soothe the pain/get better.
But i'm on a search for it. Acupuncture and osteopathy are my two best chances and i'm determined to getting better.
I will end the boring disease talk now - made this post especially to all the nice ladies that during all this time shown their concern about my health!
It's time for another shot,how nice for a needle terrified person like myself ahaha.
“I would like to become tolerant without overlooking anything, persecute no one even when all people persecute me; become better without noticing it; become sadder, but enjoy living; become more serene, be happy in others; belong to no one, grow in everyone; love the best, comfort the worst; not even hate myself anymore."